Sometimes I play chess against my phone. It always beats me. I can ask it for hints and win the game that way sometimes. If I play on my own for too long though and then ask for hints, it’s just too late and I’ve lost too many pieces to be able to have even the best hints in the world overcome the natural consequences of the choices I made on my own early in the game.
This is a lot like what my addiction has been for me. I go along making decisions on my own unaware of their consequences in some cases and when I finally become aware of my desperate situation, I start to pray for help from God and everyone’s in a while he’ll do a miracle, but many times what I need to be able to learn is what the consequences of those choices are.
Sometimes I’m blind to my choices. Sometimes I’m unaware of the choices I’m making and the difficulties that I’m having until it becomes so painful that I become aware of them. This is like playing chess on my own for too long. That’s why it’s so important to involve other people and God early on – even every day or hour or minute. As I become aware of difficulties earlier and earlier, I can make decisions to steer away from danger before it’s too late. It’s much better to catch myself being resentful towards somebody two days before acting out physically in my addiction than to become aware of problems only minutes before acting out. This is where sponsors and other people in the group come in. If I’m talking to people about my lusts and resentments on at least a daily basis, I catch things early and can then become aware of patterns and start using my agency again instead of blindly wandering towards the cliff.
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