The Result

Though my journey toward recovery is difficult, I am happier now and have enjoyed a few years of freedom from the compulsion of these addictions. Someone who is stuck in the middle of these addictions asked me if this is all worth it. If giving up the addiction is worth all of this trouble. They also asked me how much better it was to be free of it than to give into it. On the surface, the answers to these questions may seem obvious, but to the person trapped in this nightmare, there is real doubt that escaping it is truly worth it.

His questions made me think. Has this been worth it? How do I know? The first thing I told him was that being able to stand up straight before God and know that I’m doing what He wants me to do instead of cowering behind some rock fearing that God doesn’t love me or care about me is a thousand times better and is completely worth it. And that’s just the beginning. If that was the only thing I got out of it – that would be completely worth it. However, escaping addiction with Christ’s help has opened a whole new world of progress to me that I had never even thought about. I have become more patient and loving, less abrasive and sarcastic, etc. These things didn’t come automatically as I left the addiction but leaving the addiction allowed me to start working on them and make true progress. I now see why Satan wants me to sin – it stops me from becoming more Christ-like – it stops my progression. I have so much more progress to make, but at least now I can make it.

I also told him that one reason that the addiction might look better than recovery is the same reason that a starving man just loves to eat garbage. A starving man who hasn’t eaten in weeks just loves to get his hands on garbage. It’s the best thing in the world! However, if a man is not starving, the garbage suddenly doesn’t look so appetizing. A man who is eating good food and eating regularly won’t have the starvation necessary to compel him to eat garbage. When in the addiction, I was believing in a false dichotomy: that I had only two options, 1. Depression and misery, or 2. Acting out the addiction. When I thought I had only those two choices, I picked number 2. I have found now that there’s a third choice: Recovery and joy through Christ.

When I resorted to these addictions, my soul was starving to the point of death and so the addiction looked like an acceptable escape from my starvation. The problem is that the addiction is worse than garbage because it takes more energy out of my starving soul than it pretends to put in.

Life is good now, and I choose, one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time, to stay sober and live life to its fullest.