I had a dream about a friend of mine. She was wearing a wig. After a while, she got an ashamed look on her face and took off the wig. There was another wig underneath it. The same process then happened over and over, each time she removed another wig, each time she got slower and more ashamed as she kept taking the wigs off. Eventually, she got to the point where she got to the last wig. It took her a while to get the courage to take that wig off. When she did, she had the most horrible look on her face as she took that wig off and revealed a badly scarred scalp with patches of ugly hair on it. She was so ashamed of it. I woke up but then received the last part of the dream in my mind. She didn’t know it, but that scarred layer was just another wig and if she had removed it, she would have seen her amazing hair underneath it.
You might get the analogy already, but I’ll explain the understanding I got from it. I have layers of lies and denial on top of each other to look good to others because I really think I’m awful underneath it all and beyond that, I think that because of this, I really am not lovable nor do I have much worth. This is a double lie. The real “me” under all this fallen man and garbage that’s on top of me is amazing and humble and childlike. If I have faith that the real me is amazing, I’ll keep digging and won’t fear the layers of ugliness quite as much. And I won’t stop on a bad layer and sit there thinking all is lost. However, even if the real me was “ugly” in some way, that has absolutely nothing to do with my worth nor does it mean I’m not lovable. Going to meetings helps me build up this self-love because if these other guys can love and respect me, knowing of my struggles, then maybe I can too, and maybe God can too.
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