It is helpful to get some phone numbers from people in the 12-step group that I can call or text throughout the week during triggers when I need a boost, and to build unity. Some groups have created group chats as well to serve as a mini instant meeting where people can connect and support each other.
Connecting in these ways also does other things. It increases my humility by admitting that I need help since the act of calling someone is an act of humility. It also defeats isolation. Isolation halts my progress. I need to connect with people instead of just being alone. It also, very importantly, destroys the shame I have around my addiction by helping me face the shame that keeps me in isolation. It also increases awareness of patterns that lead me to dangerous areas. Others can see where my blind spots are.
When I text or call the instant I’m triggered or see something I feel I’m holding onto, it gets me to be more aware of what’s going on inside my mind and what leads up to my difficulties so I can be mindful of them before they become a problem in the future.
Texting/chatting is better than isolation, but a phone call is a better connection, and speaking face to face is best.
I have also found that making a phone call before a potentially triggering experience or situation, like going into a store or being alone, works much better than calling after such an experience.
It has been important to me to make sure I have healthy connections with others in my recovery groups. This means I don’t get codependent with them or them with me. Generally, if the addictions involve other people, I make sure the people I’m connecting with don’t trigger me in any way.
Often I’ll connect after I have problems, then I’ll connect during the problems, then I’ll connect just before, and finally a while before the problem. I’ll often find that the problem actually starts hours or days before as I hold onto resentments toward others that I start searching to numb out. I could never chase that chain of triggers that far back to their source when I was isolated. As I check in each time, it increases my awareness so I can catch things earlier each time. This is normal and I’ve seen many other people go through this progression and it gives me more freedom.
While it’s good to have a variety of people to connect with, there needs to be a single person, my sponsor, who knows the whole picture. At one point in my recovery, I started to compartmentalize my problems across several people in my group not only to make me look better but so I could call the person who would object the least to whatever issue I was having at the time. I was matching up my problems with the blind spots of people in the group. Once I realized I was doing that, I made sure that I picked a sponsor that would call BS on me when I needed it, and I made sure I gave them the whole story even if I had checked in with others throughout the day.
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