Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
For me, step 10 is just working steps 4 through 9 in my daily life. When I worked steps 4 through 9, I was just catching up to the present – taking inventory, sharing it, figuring out my defects, apologizing and making things right. I’ve done it for the past, and all that had built up was dragging me down. So now, I’ll keep my wreckage from building up over time by taking care of it in the moment instead of 30 years later.
For me, a big part of working step 10 is a daily call to my sponsor. It gives me a chance to take a look at my life between the last call and this call (step 4), share that inventory with my sponsor (step 5), take a look at my defects, and see if I need to make amends if I haven’t already. During this inventory, I can also surrender any images or triggers, resentment, etc. to God in the presence of a witness – my sponsor. For me it’s like voluntarily placing all that stuff that I want to hold onto, on the altar before God for Him to burn away. Some days I feel like I need to crawl up on that altar myself to give myself to Him fully – all of my defects, burdens, pains, fears, resentments, and most importantly my will.
Throughout the day, I pay attention to times where I’m contentious or doing something that disturbs my peace and I take a moment to inventory it and if I need to make amends, I go and apologize to the other person. This is extremely difficult at first, but it has gotten easier for me over time. Not only because I’m practicing it, but because when I know I’m going to follow through with making amends, I am much more careful about how much of a jerk I allow myself to me, knowing how much harder the amends will be the farther I push it.
Steps 1-3 and 10-12 are a new way of life and so I’m working them every day. Step 10 seems like one of the core pillars on which my recovery rests. It gives me some level of integrity I never had before. And that feels really good.
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