Step 12

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I just had the best piece of cheesecake I’ve ever tasted in my life.  I just have to tell those I love most about it because I want them to experience it too.  It’s my gift to them to share good things I’ve found in my own life.  So it is with the Gospel of Christ.  So it is with the results of applying that Gospel to my own life to free me from the hellish compulsive addictive nightmare I used to endure daily.  How could I keep that to myself?  If I love God, I love others, and I want the best for them.  So I share.

Facing fear and shame to share with someone who might be holding onto the last sparks of hope while drowning in addiction is step 12.  Sharing in meetings is step 12.  Talking to my bishop about being available for anyone who might be struggling is step 12.  Calling someone in the group and sharing my experience is step 12.  Writing this blog is step 12.  Being a better man, husband, father, employee, friend, son, brother because of the freedom I have been given and the defects of character that have been helped is step 12.  Anytime I tell someone else about my experience, negative or positive, is step 12.

I am a witness of the power of God to free me from my bonds, I can’t stop myself from sharing it.  I am a witness to the suicidal misery of bondage to all that I have been a slave to and I must share it as Nephi did when he stated “Oh, wretched man that I am!”  But he quickly followed it with “But I know in whom I have trusted.”  If I don’t share the misery along with the pain, people might not believe my testimony.  When I heard people tell of their struggles and the power of God lifting them above those struggles miraculously, I knew they were true witnesses.  That they had it as bad as I did, or worse, and God loved them out of it as they let Him.  Nothing in the program gave me as much faith in Christ as hearing bold testimony of someone’s truthful, humble, courageous story.  So I must do the same.  And I must do better than I have.  Luckily, God is patient and kind as I work through life with Him.

If I don’t get rid of shame around my past, I won’t be able to share my past and work step 12. But sharing my past with others helps me get rid of shame. I first share it in meetings and in steps 4 and 5 and that gets rid of a ton of shame. That prepares me to share with others in ways that help them know that I’ve been in the same boat as they are. Step 12 is amazing and it’s where I can take my own train wreck and turn it into something good. Over and over again.