When I stopped acting out and lusting, things got worse! What? I thought things would get better when I stopped acting out – why are things getting worse? I learned that I had been using these addictions to escape and numb out the stress, anger, and other negative feelings I was experiencing. For example, if I were feeling depressed or unloved or worthless, I’d resort to my addiction to cover those feelings instead of facing them head on and working through them. Because I rarely faced these difficulties, I never really matured as a person. I was 32 years old on the outside but was still 12 years old emotionally.
So, when I stopped acting out my addictions, these unresolved feelings of anger, resentment, fear, depression, etc. that had built up throughout my life came bursting out. Most times, this convinced me to run back to the addiction.
This is one reason why support from a recovery group and from a sponsor is so essential. Don’t worry, it does get better after the hard times and it’s a bit of a roller-coaster over time, so don’t get discouraged, and never, never, never give up!
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