Pride

I have found that pride is like codependency in its sneakiness.  One good way for me to detect pride in myself is to look at how good of a follower I am.  In the context of being a facilitator, for example, I can ask myself if I am following the guidelines (and my leaders) or not.  If I am following them, am I following them with all my heart, wanting their ideas to work, and thereby I am being a good follower?  If I do my own things that I think are better, then I am seeking praise for doing those things because my idea was better than theirs.  This is the same thing Satan did with God’s plan.  If Satan is anything like me when I’m doing this, he didn’t want to follow the plan because he could get glory for coming up with a better way of doing things.

I was locked into a deadly pride cycle as a facilitator for several years.  I had a few years of physical sobriety and was the facilitator of an LDS 12-step meeting.  I knew it all and “helped” and “saved” everyone I spoke to.  The pride I had in my length of sobriety and in my facilitating position started to blind me to the lust that I was quietly allowing to creep back into my life.  I had to start telling myself and others lies to maintain my status as facilitator and to keep my long sobriety that I was so proud of.  That pride and the lust that crept in over those years cost me my family for a few months during separation once I came clean about the lies I had told myself and others.  I had to drop the pride – I had to surrender everything.  Anything I held onto slowly became a millstone around my neck dragging me down.  God and Christ were the only things I could safely hold onto.

In the context of my main addictions, pride can blind me to my weakness, and like the addiction itself, can numb me to the point that I don’t think I need God’s help.  The only way I have found to keep from falling to pride is through contact with group members through phone calls or at meetings.  I am, through that contact, constantly reminded of the truth about my weaknesses and strengths and am kept on track.