12-Step Meetings

Do I Need God to Recover?

Now there’s a good question! In the Alcoholics Anonymous book, there are entire chapters dedicated to this question. Some will say, “you don’t need God to recover from alcohol addiction”. Others say “without a doubt, you do need God to recover”. But most say, “you don’t necessarily need ‘God’ to recover but you do need ‘a power greater than oneself’ or a ‘higher power’ in order to truly recover”.

I wholeheartedly agree that one needs a “higher power” in order to truly recover. For me this “higher power” is God. For others I know, their “higher power” is their collective 12-Step support group.

So, the main question I have for you is this: Is your current relationship with your “higher power” strong enough to help you recover from your addiction to pornography, lust, and sex?

I am a Christian, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to be precise. Yet even with my upbringing and belief that God is my Father and Christ is my Savior, this belief alone was not enough to “cure” me of my pornography addiction. I was a church-going, returned missionary who could not piece together 24 hours of true sobriety! Why?

Because I was not tapping into true connection with my higher power.

Two thoughts on this. First, connection with others I often find helps with my connection with my higher power. Coming out of isolation and connection with others is crucial to connecting with God. Attending 12 Step Meetings is a great way to connect in an honest genuine way with others. Breaking out of addiction is also a course in breaking out of isolation – isolation from others and ones’ higher power.

Second, specifically relating to communication with my higher power, I used to pray selfish prayers or pitiful “help me” prayers, if I prayed at all. I sometimes felt love from God, but my relationship with Him was focused on my desires and my will. I rarely opened up in a sincere way about my feelings, emotions, problems, sorrows, and true fears. I had no concept of surrendering my will or my life over to the care of my higher power. Now in recovery, I have learned to surrender to Him. I gratefully have a two-way connection with a God who is real and who wants the best for me, and who can truly heal me. I now trust Him, and I seek His wisdom and power instead of my own. So back to the original question: do I need God to recover? Yes, I do. Do you need God to recover? Yes, you do, but the God of your understanding will suffice. I promise if you pursue a journey into the 12 Steps for recovery from your sexual addiction that you will find a power higher and greater than yourself. Click here to find a list of 12 Step program options. Maybe I’ll see you there at one of them someday!

Facilitating

In LDS Addiction Recovery Groups, there’s usually a facilitator at each meeting who shares first. (In other recovery groups, they’re called co-chairs.) They’re just like any other member of the group. They are recovering from addiction and have worked all 12 steps and have sponsored others so that they can share their experience instead of their opinion. They also should have a decent length of sobriety. They make sure the sharing portion of the meeting goes smoothly and that each person gets a chance to share if they want to. Sometimes in bigger meetings, that can mean running a timer to help people remember to finish up their share in time so that all have time to share.

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Step 1

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.

As I spend time in meetings and connecting with other addicts (step 0), I find myself beginning to open up. This is because others are opening up, and nobody is judging them or hating them. They’re just understanding them and loving and respecting them. So I begin to develop a growing trust in the group. I open up about the truth of my situation. I’m not sharing graphic details of my addiction, just being vulnerable. Continue reading “Step 1”

Self-Respect and Love

For this topic, I offer an analogy that played out in my heart that had a profound effect on me.

Before I got into recovery, I met Christ at the door of my house. I told Him that He didn’t need to come in – I made the mess, I would clean it up, and someday my house would be clean enough for Him to come in without judging me and thinking I was stupid, slothful, and filthy. I sent Him away empty-handed.

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Lust and Self-Awareness

I found that the sexual part of these addictions starts with lustful thoughts that I was completely unaware I was entertaining – hours, days, weeks, or even months before any physical manifestations of addiction. As I started going to the meetings and working the steps to start working on myself from the inside out, I then started becoming more aware of how much I was lusting after people each day. As I become more and more conscious of it (I never knew how much I was looking and lusting before I came into the program), I try to let go of it at the earliest stage possible – when it’s easier to let go of it. It’s kind of like the easiness of pulling out a new weed compared with the difficulty of pulling out a weed that has been growing all summer long. My capacity to turn away from the temptation to lust is directly proportional to the strength of the faith and self-awareness that I build in these 12-step meetings.

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Relapses and Triggers

A relapse is when I act out the addiction. A trigger is something that starts me down the path toward a relapse. Before I got into recovery, relapses and triggers were opportunities for me to beat myself up and hate myself. When I have a recovery program in place, relapses and triggers become learning opportunities. The main things ask of myself or others after a relapse or a big trigger are:

I have been involved with two different 12-step addiction recovery programs for the past 19 years, Sexaholics Anonymous and the Addiction Recovery Program from the LDS church. Both work for me just fine and are based on the same core principles. Pick one, find a meeting near you, and attend a meeting this week. There’s nothing to be afraid of! You’re going to find people there who are just like you in your same situation.

The inherent safety and anonymity of these meetings permits a level of honesty, humility, and faith in Christ sufficient to allow the repentance process to start working within me. The meetings are safe because everyone there suffers from the same addictions that I do. Therefore, I can have confidence that they will not gossip, backbite, judge, or condemn in the same way people might in other settings.

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The 12 Steps – An Overview

I realized that the core of 12-Step programs aligned with something familiar to me from my religious upbringing—a higher power helping me become a better person. This higher power encompassed faith, self-reflection, personal growth, and support from others. Although I had encountered similar ideas in my spiritual journey, I questioned the importance of revisiting them within the context of 12-Step programs. Previous knowledge alone hadn’t freed me from addiction, so why would exploring these principles again in the context of the 12 steps make any difference? However, I’ve found an answer, and I want to share it with you.

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