Praying for other members of my recovery group individually by name gets me out of my selfishness and adds strength to the other members and builds unity. I can pray for them to have a good day, to have more faith, to get to the meetings, to work the program, etc.
If the things I do to my brothers are the things I am doing to God (Matt 25:40), then perhaps praying for others is even better than just praying to God about things I need or want.
Many times, I (and others I have listened to) say that they want to be “healed of this addiction.” What I meant by that is that I wanted to never be tempted again. I’ve learned that’s not how it works. I was not “healed” from ever being tempted by these addictions again. That would be contrary to God’s plan of agency – it would be Satan’s plan. The healing I have seen in myself happens at a much deeper level than the addiction and so the need for the addiction as a painkiller becomes diminished.
At the same time, my faith in Christ increases so that I want Him and His peace more than I want the false relief of the addiction. Before, I couldn’t choose to resort to my addiction or not. Now I can choose to resort to my addiction or not. I can choose!
I don’t want my agency to be “healed” or taken away from me. I want my defects to be healed and I want to increase my faith so that I can increasingly exercise my agency to choose to walk away from these addictions in peace. This has happened to me to varying degrees in recovery. Of course, since I still have agency, I must maintain the humility and faith necessary to remain free so that I can continue to walk away from addiction and sin. I want to choose.
During the time between getting into the program and getting some serious sobriety, there was a time of self-sabotage. I just wanted to resort to my addiction and so I’d find ways to do it by crossing boundaries, neglecting my needs (like food, sleep, or scripture study) to make myself weaker, surfing the Internet for seemingly innocent things that I know might accidentally lead me to something bad, but at least it wouldn’t be my fault that I accidentally found something bad, right? Then I wouldn’t have to beat myself up quite as badly. Insanity.
These were attempts by me to resort to my addiction without feeling quite as guilty. As the part of me that wants to quit my addictions gets stronger than the part of me that wants to resort to my addictions, self-sabotage decreases. I just had to be patient and keep going to the meetings and working the steps and it got better.
This general concept deals with breaking things into manageable pieces as well as living in the “now” instead of the past or future. I don’t sabotage myself with thoughts of how I’m going to stay sober for the rest of my life – just for the rest of this minute, hour, or day. I don’t beat myself up because of the past. I learn from it and apply those lessons to this minute or this hour and use it to help others. Living life one day at a time, one hour at a time, or one minute at a time helps me to not become overwhelmed. This has been very important for me during recovery.
I have found that I can switch between addictions quite easily. Some people switch between abusing drugs and using pornography. Some switch to video games. Books, hard music, caffeine, materialism, and junk food are also very common things to switch to for comfort, numbing, or escape from the pains of reality. I have done it and I know others who have as well.
Other more emotional addictions I can switch to are resentment, fear, codependency, aspiring to or fantasizing about high callings in the church, etc. I have found that as I turn to these various addictions instead of turning to Christ for comfort, it’s as though I am putting other Gods – the Gods of addiction – before Him. That’s idolatry. That doesn’t work for me. Resorting to any of these addictions halts or slows my progression. I have to surrender any and all of my addictions to make progress, because it’s not about the addictions, it’s about me hiding from the shame and pain of reality.
I have found good music to be very helpful in fulfilling some of my spiritual needs. “Good music” means music that helps me to feel the Spirit instead of music that pounds my spirit numb. I used to use music to numb myself in the same way I can use pornography or substances to numb myself. Good music has become a way to re-sensitize myself and help me to be more sensitive to the Spirit’s gentle promptings.
My addictions harden my heart and prevent me from feeling anything at all, much less the Spirit. So calm, relaxing music has become an important part of me learning how to feel anything again.
In LDS Addiction Recovery Groups, there’s usually a facilitator at each meeting who shares first. (In other recovery groups, they’re called co-chairs.) They’re just like any other member of the group. They are recovering from addiction and have worked all 12 steps and have sponsored others so that they can share their experience instead of their opinion. They also should have a decent length of sobriety. They make sure the sharing portion of the meeting goes smoothly and that each person gets a chance to share if they want to. Sometimes in bigger meetings, that can mean running a timer to help people remember to finish up their share in time so that all have time to share.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
There are many resources that go over step 4, including my favorite treatment of the topic by the infamous AA legends, Joe & Charlie, who have multiple mp3’s about step 4 and overcoming resentment. So I’m just going to share my own experiences I’ve had in my own inventory and the inventory of those I’ve sponsored. Continue reading “Step 4”
When my surroundings or schedules change – usually by traveling somewhere or during a holiday season or weekend – triggers get stronger. Some boundaries that are generally in place, like Internet filters or TV channel filters, may not be in place in my new surroundings. Idle time is deadly. I’ve heard people say that Christ chose His disciples when they were at work and that Satan chooses his disciples when they are idle.
When I entered the program, I acted out almost daily. As I progressed, I would act out weekly, every two weeks, every month, etc. It seems to me as though I have some sort of capacity to hold lust within me – I’ll call it a lust balloon. Once I have filled this balloon with lust, I feel compelled to resort to my addiction by acting out my addictions physically.
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