Many times, I (and others I have listened to) say that they want to be “healed of this addiction.” What I meant by that is that I wanted to never be tempted again. I’ve learned that’s not how it works. I was not “healed” from ever being tempted by these addictions again. That would be contrary to God’s plan of agency – it would be Satan’s plan. The healing I have seen in myself happens at a much deeper level than the addiction and so the need for the addiction as a painkiller becomes diminished.
At the same time, my faith in Christ increases so that I want Him and His peace more than I want the false relief of the addiction. Before, I couldn’t choose to resort to my addiction or not. Now I can choose to resort to my addiction or not. I can choose!
I don’t want my agency to be “healed” or taken away from me. I want my defects to be healed and I want to increase my faith so that I can increasingly exercise my agency to choose to walk away from these addictions in peace. This has happened to me to varying degrees in recovery. Of course, since I still have agency, I must maintain the humility and faith necessary to remain free so that I can continue to walk away from addiction and sin. I want to choose.
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