Tag: Denial

Step 1

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.

As I spend time in meetings and connecting with other addicts (step 0), I find myself beginning to open up. This is because others are opening up, and nobody is judging them or hating them. They’re just understanding them and loving and respecting them. So I begin to develop a growing trust in the group. I open up about the truth of my situation. I’m not sharing graphic details of my addiction, just being vulnerable. Continue reading “Step 1”

Denial and Gaslighting

In my addiction and in recovery, I had a lot of shame and isolation around what I was thinking and doing.  This shame caused me to hide the truth about my thoughts and actions from others (wife, God, etc.) and, more importantly, from myself.  I couldn’t stand the fact that I was engaging in my addictions, and so I started subtly lying to myself.  This is where denial came in.  Before we go any further, let’s define some terms:

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Drama Triangle

One of the relationship dynamics that I learned about in counseling is the drama triangle.  I get into the drama triangle when I start playing one of three roles in my relationships with others or myself: the persecutor, the victim, or the rescuer.  I use these roles to manipulate and coerce myself or others to get what I want.

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Chess and Blindness

Sometimes I play chess against my phone. It always beats me. I can ask it for hints and win the game that way sometimes. If I play on my own for too long though and then ask for hints, it’s just too late and I’ve lost too many pieces to be able to have even the best hints in the world overcome the natural consequences of the choices I made on my own early in the game.

Continue reading “Chess and Blindness”