Tag: Depression

Reprogramming My Brain in Recovery

Not only did I need to reprogram how I thought about women and other triggers, but I had to reprogram my deeper thoughts about being worthless, needing to be perfect to be loved, etc.  I found that reading a list of positive truthful statements daily helped me to do this.  Over time, I found out what lies I was believing from Satan and reversed them.  For example, one lie he told me was that “I have to be perfect to be loved or helped by God”.  I reversed that to say “God will help and love me when I’m imperfect”.  There are many more statements I read each day.  Something about saying those things over and over gets me to believe in them more each day.  I get the negative versions whispered to me every waking moment so I deserve to have someone (myself) tell me the truth instead.

Abstinance from any addiction also improves how my brain works.  Recent studies have shown how the frontol lobes shrink when people engage in addictions of any kind.  The “natural” addictions (food and sex) affect the brain more and the other addictions (alcohol, meth, cocaine, etc.) also affect it in similar ways, just a little less.  The frontal lobes are the brakes for my brain that make me think through to consequences for actions.  Addictions also cause me to have fewer pleasure receptors in my brain as my brain tries to seek equilibrium.  This makes normal life more miserable and the addiction becomes my new normal.  All of this keeps me in the addiction.  These studies also show that with abstinance from these addictions, my brain heals and goes back to normal over 1-2 years.

Self-Care

Taking care of my spiritual, physical, social, and emotional needs has also been a huge part of recovery and enduring to the end for me.  I must study the scriptures and pray and do other things that nourish and strengthen my spirit to be able to turn away from temptation more effectively.  I must also take care of my body by getting enough sleep and healthy food at regular mealtimes.  I must also stay connected with others and stop isolating.  These needs are critical for me to fulfill the right way, so I don’t end up trying to fulfill them in the wrong ways.  Spencer W. Kimball once spoke about the result of unmet needs:

“Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner. This permitted him to condemn the sin without condemning the individual.” – Jesus: The Perfect Leader – Ensign Aug. 1979

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Lust and Self-Awareness

imageI found that the sexual part of these addictions starts with lustful thoughts that I was completely unaware I was entertaining – hours, days, weeks, or even months before any physical manifestations of addiction.  As I started going to the meetings and working the steps to start working on myself from the inside out, I then started becoming more aware of how much I was lusting after people each day.  As I become more and more conscious of it (I never knew how much I was looking and lusting before I came into the program), I try to let go of it at the earliest stage possible – when it’s easier to let go of it. It’s kind of like the easiness of pulling out a new weed compared with the difficulty of pulling out a weed that has been growing all summer long. My capacity to turn away from the temptation to lust is directly proportional to the strength of the faith and self-awareness that I build in these 12-step meetings.

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