Tag: Isolation

Do I Need God to Recover?

Now there’s a good question! In the Alcoholics Anonymous book, there are entire chapters dedicated to this question. Some will say, “you don’t need God to recover from alcohol addiction”. Others say “without a doubt, you do need God to recover”. But most say, “you don’t necessarily need ‘God’ to recover but you do need ‘a power greater than oneself’ or a ‘higher power’ in order to truly recover”.

I wholeheartedly agree that one needs a “higher power” in order to truly recover. For me this “higher power” is God. For others I know, their “higher power” is their collective 12-Step support group.

So, the main question I have for you is this: Is your current relationship with your “higher power” strong enough to help you recover from your addiction to pornography, lust, and sex?

I am a Christian, a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to be precise. Yet even with my upbringing and belief that God is my Father and Christ is my Savior, this belief alone was not enough to “cure” me of my pornography addiction. I was a church-going, returned missionary who could not piece together 24 hours of true sobriety! Why?

Because I was not tapping into true connection with my higher power.

Two thoughts on this. First, connection with others I often find helps with my connection with my higher power. Coming out of isolation and connection with others is crucial to connecting with God.  Attending 12 Step Meetings is a great way to connect in an honest genuine way with others. Breaking out of addiction is also a course in breaking out of isolation – isolation from others and ones’ higher power.

Second, specifically relating to communication with my higher power, I used to pray selfish prayers or pitiful “help me” prayers, if I prayed at all. I sometimes felt love from God, but my relationship with Him was focused on my desires and my will. I rarely opened up in a sincere way about my feelings, emotions, problems, sorrows, and true fears. I had no concept of surrendering my will or my life over to the care of my higher power. Now in recovery, I have learned to surrender to Him. I gratefully have a two-way connection with a God who is real and who wants the best for me, and who can truly heal me. I now trust Him, and I seek His wisdom and power instead of my own. So back to the original question: do I need God to recover? Yes, I do. Do you need God to recover?  Yes, you do, but the God of your understanding will suffice. I promise if you pursue a journey into the 12 Steps for recovery from your sexual addiction that you will find a power higher and greater than yourself. Click here to find a list of 12 Step program options. Maybe I’ll see you there at one of them someday!

Traveling and Unstructured Time

When my surroundings or schedules change – usually by traveling somewhere or during a holiday season or weekend – triggers get stronger.  Some boundaries that are generally in place, like Internet filters or TV channel filters, may not be in place in my new surroundings.  Idle time is deadly. I’ve heard people say that Christ chose His disciples when they were at work and that Satan chooses his disciples when they are idle.

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Self-Care

Taking care of my spiritual, physical, social, and emotional needs has also been a huge part of recovery and enduring to the end for me.  I must study the scriptures and pray and do other things that nourish and strengthen my spirit to be able to turn away from temptation more effectively.  I must also take care of my body by getting enough sleep and healthy food at regular mealtimes.  I must also stay connected with others and stop isolating.  These needs are critical for me to fulfill the right way, so I don’t end up trying to fulfill them in the wrong ways.  Spencer W. Kimball once spoke about the result of unmet needs:

“Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner. This permitted him to condemn the sin without condemning the individual.” – Jesus: The Perfect Leader – Ensign Aug. 1979

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Denial and Gaslighting

In my addiction and in recovery, I had a lot of shame and isolation around what I was thinking and doing.  This shame caused me to hide the truth about my thoughts and actions from others (wife, God, etc.) and, more importantly, from myself.  I couldn’t stand the fact that I was engaging in my addictions, and so I started subtly lying to myself.  This is where denial came in.  Before we go any further, let’s define some terms:

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Chess and Blindness

Sometimes I play chess against my phone. It always beats me. I can ask it for hints and win the game that way sometimes. If I play on my own for too long though and then ask for hints, it’s just too late and I’ve lost too many pieces to be able to have even the best hints in the world overcome the natural consequences of the choices I made on my own early in the game.

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