In my addiction and in recovery, I had a lot of shame and isolation around what I was thinking and doing. This shame caused me to hide the truth about my thoughts and actions from others (wife, God, etc.) and, more importantly, from myself. I couldn’t stand the fact that I was engaging in my addictions, and so I started subtly lying to myself. This is where denial came in. Before we go any further, let’s define some terms:
Tag: Recovery
Self-Respect and Love
For this topic, I offer an analogy that played out in my heart that had a profound effect on me.
Before I got into recovery, I met Christ at the door of my house. I told Him that He didn’t need to come in – I made the mess, I would clean it up, and someday my house would be clean enough for Him to come in without judging me and thinking I was stupid, slothful, and filthy. I sent Him away empty-handed.
Drama Triangle
One of the relationship dynamics that I learned about in counseling is the drama triangle. I get into the drama triangle when I start playing one of three roles in my relationships with others or myself: the persecutor, the victim, or the rescuer. I use these roles to manipulate and coerce myself or others to get what I want.
Step 3
Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
The verb in step 3 is not “surrender,” even though that’s what people talk about when they talk about step 3. The verb is “Made a decision.” A decision to do what? To turn my will and life over to the care of God. When I first got into addiction recovery, I found that there were a few things I could turn over to the care of God. So I did that. People often call this “surrender.” It seems that turning things over to the care of God, letting things go, and surrendering are similar, if not identical. It’s strange to come into a program where they tell me to surrender when I’ve been fighting for decades.
Continue reading “Step 3”
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