Recently, I changed the location of the trashcan in my cubicle at work from my right side to my left side. It had been on the right side for several years. After switching it to the other side, I spent a lot of my time turning to the right to throw away the trash, realizing in frustration that the trashcan was no longer there and then turning to my left to finally throw the trash away. With time and patience, I started catching myself earlier on and only started thinking about turning to the right and finally, I now just turn to the left by habit.
Tag: Self-awareness
Reprogramming My Brain in Recovery
Not only did I need to reprogram how I thought about women and other triggers, but I had to reprogram my deeper thoughts about being worthless, needing to be perfect to be loved, etc. I found that reading a list of positive truthful statements daily helped me to do this. Over time, I found out what lies I was believing from Satan and reversed them. For example, one lie he told me was that “I have to be perfect to be loved or helped by God”. I reversed that to say “God will help and love me when I’m imperfect”. There are many more statements I read each day. Something about saying those things over and over gets me to believe in them more each day. I get the negative versions whispered to me every waking moment so I deserve to have someone (myself) tell me the truth instead.
Abstinance from any addiction also improves how my brain works. Recent studies have shown how the frontol lobes shrink when people engage in addictions of any kind. The “natural” addictions (food and sex) affect the brain more and the other addictions (alcohol, meth, cocaine, etc.) also affect it in similar ways, just a little less. The frontal lobes are the brakes for my brain that make me think through to consequences for actions. Addictions also cause me to have fewer pleasure receptors in my brain as my brain tries to seek equilibrium. This makes normal life more miserable and the addiction becomes my new normal. All of this keeps me in the addiction. These studies also show that with abstinance from these addictions, my brain heals and goes back to normal over 1-2 years.
Supporting Recovery Through Phone Calls / Texts / Chats
It is helpful to get some phone numbers from people in the 12-step group that I can call or text throughout the week during triggers when I need a boost, and to build unity. Some groups have created group chats as well to serve as a mini instant meeting where people can connect and support each other.
Connecting in these ways also does other things. It increases my humility by admitting that I need help since the act of calling someone is an act of humility. It also defeats isolation. Isolation halts my progress. I need to connect with people instead of just being alone. It also, very importantly, destroys the shame I have around my addiction by helping me face the shame that keeps me in isolation. It also increases awareness of patterns that lead me to dangerous areas. Others can see where my blind spots are.
Continue reading “Supporting Recovery Through Phone Calls / Texts / Chats”
Self-Care
Taking care of my spiritual, physical, social, and emotional needs has also been a huge part of recovery and enduring to the end for me. I must study the scriptures and pray and do other things that nourish and strengthen my spirit to be able to turn away from temptation more effectively. I must also take care of my body by getting enough sleep and healthy food at regular mealtimes. I must also stay connected with others and stop isolating. These needs are critical for me to fulfill the right way, so I don’t end up trying to fulfill them in the wrong ways. Spencer W. Kimball once spoke about the result of unmet needs:
“Jesus saw sin as wrong but also was able to see sin as springing from deep and unmet needs on the part of the sinner. This permitted him to condemn the sin without condemning the individual.” – Jesus: The Perfect Leader – Ensign Aug. 1979
Denial and Gaslighting
In my addiction and in recovery, I had a lot of shame and isolation around what I was thinking and doing. This shame caused me to hide the truth about my thoughts and actions from others (wife, God, etc.) and, more importantly, from myself. I couldn’t stand the fact that I was engaging in my addictions, and so I started subtly lying to myself. This is where denial came in. Before we go any further, let’s define some terms:
Drama Triangle
One of the relationship dynamics that I learned about in counseling is the drama triangle. I get into the drama triangle when I start playing one of three roles in my relationships with others or myself: the persecutor, the victim, or the rescuer. I use these roles to manipulate and coerce myself or others to get what I want.
Lust and Self-Awareness
I found that the sexual part of these addictions starts with lustful thoughts that I was completely unaware I was entertaining – hours, days, weeks, or even months before any physical manifestations of addiction. As I started going to the meetings and working the steps to start working on myself from the inside out, I then started becoming more aware of how much I was lusting after people each day. As I become more and more conscious of it (I never knew how much I was looking and lusting before I came into the program), I try to let go of it at the earliest stage possible – when it’s easier to let go of it. It’s kind of like the easiness of pulling out a new weed compared with the difficulty of pulling out a weed that has been growing all summer long. My capacity to turn away from the temptation to lust is directly proportional to the strength of the faith and self-awareness that I build in these 12-step meetings.
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