Step 4

Step 8

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

The first time I worked step 8, I did it alone. Maybe because of my pride, fear, or shame. It didn’t go well, because I bring all of my character defects with me into that list and I need another set of eyes on the list – my sponsor’s eyes – so that I can see clearly enough to make a good list. This step is extremely important. It can show me many levels of my dysfunction and help me make my relationships more healthy going forward, in addition to fixing relationships from the past.

Continue reading “Step 8”

Step 5

Admitted to God, ourselves, and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

In my experience, it’s important to share my 4th step inventory with my sponsor first. This means someone who’s already been through their own 4th and 5th step and knows what it’s like to struggle with the addiction I struggle with. They are also someone who I don’t know outside of the group. This anonymity enables me to be fully open without fear of consequences. This helps me break through fear and denial to get absolutely everything out.

With that kind of person sitting in front of me as I get everything out in the open, it’s the most similar experience to sitting with Christ that I’ve experienced. Christ knows exactly how I feel and exactly how difficult this is. I feel guilty for what I’ve done, and I feel shame for who I think I am. The shame is a lie and is dispelled by bringing the shameful things into the light of the most Christlike person I can find – that’s my sponsor. Christlike in that he knows how I feel and what it’s like to be in my position and can embrace the shameful things because he’s already embraced his. It’s a powerful shame-destroying process to get all of these things into the light of another person who truly understands and to be accepted and respected by them. Rejection is what my shame promises, and acceptance destroys shame’s promises.

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Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

There are many resources that go over step 4, including my favorite treatment of the topic by the infamous AA legends, Joe & Charlie, who have multiple mp3’s about step 4 and overcoming resentment. So I’m just going to share my own experiences I’ve had in my own inventory and the inventory of those I’ve sponsored. Continue reading “Step 4”

Step 1

We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.

As I spend time in meetings and connecting with other addicts (step 0), I find myself beginning to open up. This is because others are opening up, and nobody is judging them or hating them. They’re just understanding them and loving and respecting them. So I begin to develop a growing trust in the group. I open up about the truth of my situation. I’m not sharing graphic details of my addiction, just being vulnerable. Continue reading “Step 1”

The Wigs

I had a dream about a friend of mine. She was wearing a wig. After a while, she got an ashamed look on her face and took off the wig. There was another wig underneath it. The same process then happened over and over, each time she removed another wig, each time she got slower and more ashamed as she kept taking the wigs off. Eventually, she got to the point where she got to the last wig. It took her a while to get the courage to take that wig off. When she did, she had the most horrible look on her face as she took that wig off and revealed a badly scarred scalp with patches of ugly hair on it. She was so ashamed of it. I woke up but then received the last part of the dream in my mind. She didn’t know it, but that scarred layer was just another wig and if she had removed it, she would have seen her amazing hair underneath it.

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The Bandage

A certain man got wounded and he didn’t know how to take care of the wound. He did not clean it out, apply ointment, or put a bandage over the wound to protect it. After a while, the wound got infected. It was painful and wasn’t very pleasant to look at and so he put a bandage over it. That kept things from bumping into it and kept it from being so unpleasant to look at. This worked for a brief time. After a while, the bandage started to leak and the pain got worse so the man put another bandage on the one that was already there. It worked last time, so it might just work again. After all, it would be too painful to pull off the bandages and clean it out. This continued until the pain and mess became unmanageable. The only option was to pull off each bandage and then clean out the wound, apply ointment, and then put a bandage over the now cleaned wound so that it could heal properly.

Continue reading “The Bandage”