The 12 Steps – More Freedom Blog

A Lifetime of Addictions

My addiction to pornography, lust, and masturbation started when I was about 12 years old. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I didn’t think I was hurting anyone, so I continued to use these things to escape from depression and loneliness (though I didn’t know it at the time) and to cover up the things I didn’t like feeling. Around age 16, I started drinking alcohol with my friends as well.

I graduated high school and left home to go to college 600 miles away. Free at last! I partied with my new-found friends. My sexual addictions were always there in their various forms, but I kept them very private because I was ashamed of what I was doing to myself and others. They progressed to sex with others, strip clubs and more. It seemed there was no limit to where I would allow my addictions to take me. I isolated from friends at church and eventually stopped going to church completely. I was often around large groups of people, but I felt completely alone. I was nearing rock bottom and would consistently use lust and alcohol to numb my pains and escape from the realities of life.

Step 3

Step 3 – Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

The verb in step 3 is not “surrender,” even though that’s what people talk about when they talk about step 3. The verb is “Made a decision.” A decision to do what? To turn my will and life over to the care of God. When I first got into addiction recovery, I found that there were a few things I could turn over to the care of God. So I did that. People often call this “surrender.” It seems that turning things over to the care of God, letting things go, and surrendering are similar, if not identical. It’s strange to come into a program where they tell me to surrender when I’ve been fighting for decades.

The 12 Steps – An Overview

I realized that the core of 12-Step programs aligned with something familiar to me from my religious upbringing—a higher power helping me become a better person. This higher power encompassed faith, self-reflection, personal growth, and support from others. Although I had encountered similar ideas in my spiritual journey, I questioned the importance of revisiting them within the context of 12-Step programs. Previous knowledge alone hadn’t freed me from addiction, so why would exploring these principles again in the context of the 12 steps make any difference? However, I’ve found an answer, and I want to share it with you.

Continue reading “The 12 Steps – An Overview”